


stain

by youngjaebumn (xxnessan)



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, 2jae centric, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mechanics, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Choi Youngjae, Church Boy Choi Youngjae, Dirty Talk, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Innocent Choi Youngjae, M/M, Oral Sex, Public Sex, Romance, Shameless Smut, Shy Choi Youngjae, Swearing, Top Im Jaebum | JB, Youngjae is an angel, first time trying dirty talk actually, im sorry for all the smut, jackson is only a cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-09-16 03:14:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16945926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxnessan/pseuds/youngjaebumn
Summary: "I want to kiss you, Youngjae. And not just your mouth, I'll use my tongue on you. I want to take off your clothes and see you without any fabric lying on my bed. I want to stick two fingers inside you and widen you patiently, sweetly, slowly, until you beg for me to use my dick. And you've never felt another dick before, I know. So I'll do everything lovingly so you won't feel any pain until you for beg me to go faster. And I'm going to fuck you, I’ll fuck you so bad that you'll only remember God to call His name in vain as you become desperate for more. And you'll like it a lot.”.Jaebum always saw him across the street, where he was always in his light clothes and angelic aura as he pamphlet his church meetings. While him, a dirty mechanic stained with grease, could only fantasize about touching something so limpid and pure.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't read I'm still editing 
> 
> This is my first fic in english on got7 fandom. although i've written many 2jae fics in my language before, this is my first in english for yall guys i'm so nervous im almost throwing up
> 
> blease lemme know if its bad okay?

Jaebum had a sort of a hobby every saturday morning, that at the same time that annoys him he couldn't let it go.

The workshop where he works unfortunately was located in front of a church which, in addition to being noisy, still received a stingy public of wealthy old men and highly prejudiced morals who looked crooked for his dignified work, just for being of a lower class. That doesn’t really matter at all, he's used to receive that kind of looks his entire life, but the worst party was surely the younger.

The younger, some of them already had that petty elitist looks just as the elder, but most of them still had that innocent, dreamy air that they believed they were doing a great work of God by standing at the door of the church, pamphletting their church to gather more believers. As if they would. They smiled and were friendly, they could almost make the passersby fall on their sweet talk with their beautiful smiles and refreshing and sunny appearance, but he didn't belive that someone would come just only for they're bright looks.

And there were where it lies his temptation.

The younger that caught Jaebum's attention was one of them. He had a big smile that occupies his whole face and made his eyes looks like two thin lines. He wasn't short, but still not tall, and had a roundy face with soft traces and he was always wearing pastel colors. And his laugh... damn, he could hear his laugh from the other side of the street even with the noisy cars passing by. He was charming like birds singing in the morning. Jaebum was completely hypnotized, even though that boy represented so many things he hated.

He hated the hypocrisy of the church, the petty and elitist looks of both those who had enough money to spend on that kind of false faith and those who earned it. He hated that prejudiced clique, especially with the kind of person Jaebum was. He hated happy people too. Life wasn't a flower field to be smiling like that all the time without being fake.

But even so, that kid was intriguing, hypnotizing, and utterly fascinating, and that annoyed the fuck out of him, for when he was in his task of puffing on the church door every Saturday morning, Jaebum could not look away for anything other than him.

From time to time, he could tell that the boy was catching his eyes, also turning his eyes towards him. In these occasions, Jaebum smiles and wouldn't hide the flirtatious tones in his looks. The boy always turns away first, shyly. Jaebum felt victorious.

He wondered if he had any effect on the boy, whether his looks bothered him or if he felt embarrassed for accepting the flirtation. Jaebum was dying for to know more about him, at least his name, but he would never leave his pride aside to cross the street to go talk to him. Never. He wasn’t willing to hear a sermon on why he should join his youth group on the church. If he heard these words coming out of his lips, all the magic of his imagination would evaporate, for he could not bear this kind of person, militating his religion, which Jaebum didn’t believe in and neither had the will to know more. Then he would keep that street away to admire his solar beauty, while at night he would fantasize about fucking him in every possible position. That would only hang in his imagination, it was fine, that street was the clear line that would always separate his fantasies from reality.

Until that night.

.

.

Jaebum was underneath a car, which was nothing unusual in his mechanic work, oil dripped on his face and despite wearing gloves his body was dirty with grease in specific parts. He was soaked in sweat, he needed a bath and a good rest after all this time under a car breathing oil smell, and he was already in his spare time. It was late, and his partner in the workshop was already gone. He still wanted to finish that job for today, he was focused and didn’t want to lose attention. Jaebum was that kind of person who when went concentrated had to go all the way.

When the sound of someone approaching the workshop garage caught his attention. He dropped the tool laizly, making a loud, metallic noise against the floor. He hoped it wouldn’t be a robber, since he had no money, or someone who had come to him for help, because it was late and he was exhausted for today.

He left the stretcher under the car just to see who was approaching, and was surprised to see a well-known silhouette. In complete disbelief, Jaebum stepped out of the car and sprung to his feet, walking with cautious steps.

The boy was there, in front of him, dressed in a pastel colored coat and light blue jeans, his hair was a warm brown and contrasted with the pale skin. He still had an ethereal tone over him, as he used to see when he was near the church, but ethereal was the feeling of having him here, across the street, a forbidden territory for him. But he was in front of him, as if the mere act of his crossing that imaginary line that Jaebum stipulated for his fantasies was nothing. And he hated the boy for this.

He just couldn’t hate the fact that seeing him so close was a different experience. The boy had small, friendly eyes, his features were round and fluffy, the cheekbones were tall and large, sounding even more innocent than he already thought of him. But what pleased him the most was the dotted mole under his left eye, which he had never noticed from a distance, and the thin lips that had the specific shape to illustrate all his smile that he was stamping in the distance. In resume, yes, he was even cuter up close.

Jaebum had to clear his throat when he realized that he had been staring for a long time and hadn’t yet exchanged a single word. Or rather saying: he spent a lot of time checking him out, because even if he wish he could not disguise his clear interest. He put his hands on his waist, trying to keep his body steady.

"Can I help you?" he decided to start.

He noticed that the boy had unquiet eyes and was embarrassed, trembling his body and trying not to face him.

"So... my name is Choi Youngjae." He said shyly and Jaebum only reacted with a raise of a eyebrow.

Though inside his name was ringing in his head, it was strange to think that his fantasies now had a first and a last name.

"And...?" he asked, reticent, pretending not to care for the well-mannered presentation of the boy he had been staring at for months.

Youngjae bit his lower lip, a little nervous, and he could see that the boy was intimidated. He almost regretted his behavior, if there was something very satisfying to see him so self-conscious about himself.

"I see you have a workshop..."

"Yeah, I also see." Jaebum cut, straight, because he was beginning to get impatient about with his presence without announcing what he was doing. Youngjae shouldn't be here. Youngjae should remains in his limit on the other side of the street, even though he was prettier to look from the near.

"I..." Youngjae was a little upset at his sudden rudeness, joining his eyebrows in an irritated but determined expression. "Can I speak to you without you being a bore to me?"

Jaebum laughed, like a brief sob. He didn’t think he would be irritated by his rudeness so fast, he seemed to be the kind of person who smiled and was nice most of the time, and who didn’t bother easily and who wouldn’t demonstrate either. It was a surprise that sudden attitude and instigated Jaebum even more, for he wasn’t only showing himself a joyful fool.

"You can just say." Jaebum shrugged

"Don't laugh at me!" he said with a spout that Jaebum didn’t want to find adorable, but he found.

"I am not." although he was.

Youngjae sighs, trying to stay calm.

"I never thought I'd need your service, but..." he said, half distracted, a little nervous, as if he wasn’t really talking to Jaebum." My bike broke down."

Jaebum frowned once more, only this time unable to disguise his expression of surprise. Bike? Youngjae, the church boy? It wasn’t something he would assimilate right away. He'd never seen the boy on a motorcycle in his field of vision, and could not even imagine him driving, to tell the truth. It was one more of the curiosities about Youngjae that he was delighting in knowing, starting with his name.

"A Motorcycle?"

"I understand if you don't want to see it, after all it's already late and..." he started to blab, neatly nervous.

"Let me see it." Jaebum cut him before he would let go.

Youngjae sighed once more and nodded, pointing out that it was parked on the sidewalk beside the workshop.

Jaebum went out with him by his side to see it, and let a smile escape from his lips as almost a laugh as he saw Youngjae's vehicle. It was a small scooter, in a pastel blue tone in the whole retro style, although it seems to have been manufactured in the last year in order to look vintage. It was a beautiful bike, small, useful and cute. And it style seemed to fit incredibly into Youngjae's.

He quickly checked the scooter. He thought it might be as simple as a belt, but he preferred it to be nothing he could solve quickly. Now that Youngjae had had the guts to cross the street to see him, he wouldn’t miss the opportunity to see him again.

"I have to stay with it." he and Youngjae grimaced.

"If you say... I acknowledge nothing about bikes.”

Jaebum laughed, he would be even more surprised if he knew.

"Good thing you don't know..." Jaebum threw that one into the air, which instantly caught the attention of Youngjae who was curious.

"Why?"

Jaebum grinned, taking on his flirtatious tone. He dared to take a step forward, intimidating Youngjae who stepped back, face turning slightly red under the white skin.

"Because you wouldn't have crossed the street to talk to me"

Having said that, Jaebum had just made it clear that they were not complete strangers, that they were both fully aware of the exchange of looks that had lasted for months but neither had ever taken a greater step. Youngjae was even more embarrassed. Jaebum smiled. It was good to see him bland, he liked to do it only with a set of faces, but to wreck him with his words was even better. He wondered now if he was going to deny or pretend, that was exactly what happened.

"I'm coming back tomorrow to see it. Thank you." Youngjae tried to disengage and run away at the first opportunity, with burning cheeks, the redness coming down to the neck of embarrassment.

Jaebum laughed again, but took a step to pick him up by the wrist to wait, it wasn’t over yet.

"Ah..." Youngjae tried to say something.

"Im Jaebum. My name is Im Jaebum." he introduced himself, looking into his eyes, and realizing that this was the first time he had touched Youngjae's skin. Or that he would touch, for something in the electric current that flowed through his body told him that it wouldn’t be the only time he would experience the softness of that body.

Youngjae nodded, watching him with his little eyes.

"Thank you Im Jaebum. See you tomorrow?"

Jaebum just gave him a little smile, without answering, before he left.

Of course they would see each other again.

.

.

If his fantasies were interrupted by the shock of reality? Absolutely not. At least now he had a clear face and a name to call when he was jerking off thinking of him. The only guilty feeling he had after cum was only the fact that he knew he didn’t have to do it himself to feel satisfied. He had always been a man who could easily get company, being female or male, without much effort. But still he was there, seeking comfort in his own hands because of the fantasy of an innocent-looking boy who frequented the church.

The next day, he set out to see Youngjae's scooter. It was really nothing to give him much trouble, Youngjae shouldn't know anything about mechanics. It could solve the problem in less than a day. But even so he didn’t, with half the work done he set the scooter aside, his conscience not too heavy to postpone that job at the moment.

"Whose this toy?" Jackson asked. He was shirtless again, with the workshop overalls hanging at his waist. He loved to show himself that way, he always distracted the women who passed by the street and at the church across the sidewalk.

"From a customer who came here last night." Jaebum replied, not paying much attention to the chinese who gave him a suspicious expression.

"And you took? Suspicious, your mood at the end of the day is awful.” Jackson laughed and Jaebum accompanied.

"Let me say they're a special costumer."

"Hum, I see." the smile that Jackson gave was throbbing malice.

Jaebum shrugged and kept on his work.

The truth was that he was anxious, waiting for Youngjae to enter the workshop at any moment. But he didn’t even seen his shadow on the sidewalk near the church all day. The result was that he was sulking, his mood had become so bad that Jackson announced that he was leaving early because no one could handle working with an old grumpy man. Jaebum didn’t blame him, because he was fully aware of how annoying he was when he wanted to. And nothing about Youngjae showing.

Except that he did show up shortly after Jackson left, and Jaebum soon thought it could only have been premeditated. Is it really Youngjae's intention to see him alone in the workshop? Jaebum hoped so, because it encouraged the most improper parts of his body to receive him in the workshop completely alone.

Today Youngjae wore a washed and light jeans shirt, with the same shorts and white sneakers. Jaebum checked him out again, how could he not stop doing it. He looked delicious as a bowl of ice cream. Jaebum wanted to lick it whole.

"Good evening, Jaebum." he replied, with that embarrassed look as always when Jaebum stared at him.

"'Good evening." he answered blankly.

"I... came to see it."

Jaebum sighed, tossing the black hairs back, knowing he would have to disguise his lie. Lying wasn’t something that was in his daily life, even because he never really needed to do it. But even so, he tried to make the most neutral expression possible by saying:

"It's not ready yet."

On opposite to what he expected, he didn’t find the disappointed expression on Youngjae's face. In fact, he seemed to smirk, almost amused, as he opened his mouth and let out a sigh.

"Ah…"

"You'll need to come back here again." he added, glaring at him with the same malicious expression he was doing. Youngjae was staring back at him, the bike completely forgotten in her corner.

"I understand..." the boy replied, not worried.

Jaebum grinned sideways, predicting what was going on in his head. Youngjae would have to see him again, and the idea didn’t sound all bad to the boy, which intrigued him, for he was still unclear about his intentions upon seeing him. But Jaebum would be a little more patient.

"Give me your phone." he said, causing Youngjae to look surprised.

"What?"

"Your phone number." Jaebum continued with that short and mysterious side smile, but really founding amusing in his expressions. "I'll let you know when she's ready."

Youngjae was reluctant, averting his eyes to the floor, a little unquiet. He was turning back now? Jaebum believed that he wasn’t, he was getting to know the boy and knew that it wasn’t too long before he left his comfort zone. Youngjae finally sighed, giving up, grabbing his cell phone in his pants pocket.

"Okay."

They exchanged numbers, and after that Youngjae didn’t stay in the shop much longer. Which was a shame, because Jaebum already undresses him with his eyes. He wondered how much longer he would endure until he gave in to his hungry stares. It wouldn’t be today, but that day wouldn’t take long to arrive.

.

.

They kept little contact over the phone. Youngjae just asked about the scooter, getting a "No" from Jaebum in response, which in he fact had already finished but didn’t want to tell about. He and Youngjae made little to no effort to hold a conversation during these message exchanges, ending up with only that cold, empty contact.

But Jaebum kept wondering all the time what it was that existed there, and why, even after Youngjae crossed the line of his fantasies and showed himself as a real person who in fact had nothing to do with him, he continued to find him interesting. There was still an ice between them, which was natural for two strangers, but it was something like a brake, which kept something intense and completely out of control from happening. So he wondered whether he should put aside his caution and try to take his approach, or whether he should let himself be. After all, they were completely different, he didn’t know if it would be worth spending some effort on something that wouldn’t result in anything.

But the desire was still there. Just looking at the profile picture of Youngjae, where the boy smiled in his light-colored clothes sounding as innocent as he always was, aroused reactions in his body. Jaebum didn’t know him, he neither want to know, he knew everything Youngjae represented in society, but even so he wanted him completely naked in his bed moaning his name. It was almost animalistic and primitive feeling. He wanted his hands on his body, but he didn’t want the exertion to convince him to do so.

Youngjae wasn’t a person who would be worth his feelings and his thoughts.

And yet he keep thinking about the boy. He searched his name on his instagram and found his public profile. With his parents and friends inside the church, along with some smiling selcas and pictures of mugs of coffee, Jaebum had been able to spend all night scrolling his profile, watching, stalking, taking care not to enjoy anything. It wasn't his intend to the boy to occupy as much of his mind as he was occupying right now. That had to end, he needed to have the boy in his arms urgently for that sense of need to stop tormenting him.

And his torment had just entered the garage door on an end of a noon. Youngjae wore cream pants today with a white sweatshirt, and Jaebum was beginning to wonder if he didn’t know that a mechanic's shop wasn’t the best place to wear light clothes. Any misstep and he would be tainted by the mess of the environment. And that dirt was the kind that would never leave its whiteness as it had been before. The stain would always be there, stamped on the tainted and innocent fabric.

He sighed as he was beginning to realize that his body was trying to counteract his presence. His legs trembled with anticipation and his hands were sweating cold. He knew he was thinking with his under head, for with each passing day he thought of the boy and the less he had him, the more he wanted him. That had to end, he needed to be direct.

Not letting Youngjae say a word when he was opening his mouth to greet him, he was firing:

"The defect with the bike was ridiculous." the boy was startled by the direct way he launched the subject, but Jaebum went on. "Which only leads me to two conclusions: either did you come up with this as a way to come talk to me, or are you really a sucker who doesn't understand anything about mechanics at all."

Youngjae opened and closed his mouth several times, offended and lost, unable to believe his sudden rudeness. Jaebum knew he was being an asshole to him, but at least it was a warning to Youngjae what he was getting into, though he wasn’t so intimidating most of his time.

Jaebum watched as he inflated his cheeks with anger, and a daring thought of thinking he looked beautiful in anger flashed through his mind.

"Don't call me stupid!" Youngjae replied, truly offended "And I really don't know..."

Jaebum rolled his eyes, somewhat impatiently, though he liked the way he reacted to his rude way of talking to him.

"But..." he went on, which caught Jaebum's attention. "Maybe I used the opportunity..." Youngjae blushed, averting his eyes to the floor.

He smiled, pleased that Youngjae had somehow admitted that his going there had been purposeful. This only revealed to Jaebum that the boy wasn’t as innocent as he imagined, and was even a little bold, to think that it was he who had taken the first step in his flirting game, and to him admitting to that had him flooded inside. Youngjae was becoming more and more interesting, and the tingle on the tips of her limbs to touch him was almost unbearable.

"Let's do this..." Jaebum widened his grin on his side, approaching him at a slow pace. He saw Youngjae being intimidated by his closeness, taking a few steps back. The win was for the taller man, when he saw that he wasn’t going anywhere because he was now cornered against the car he was repairing before. Youngjae swallowed as he reached out to lean against the roof of the car, leaving the other boy surrounded. He intruded his personal space maliciously, though he didn’t touch him. "The payment is 20,000 won, and you go out with me for a drink."

Youngjae's body now trembled slightly, visibly nervous, but Jaebum didn’t feel guilty. It was a delight to see the effect he had on him, though he wasn’t going to do anything the younger didn’t want to, he wasn’t that kind of jerk. But playing with him was something he would do with pleasure, and he was enjoying seeing that he was winning.

However, after taking a deep breath Youngjae still rejected him:

"I... I can't." he could not help but lock his jaw and sniff through his nostrils as he stared at the disgraced Youngjae's red face.

"And why you can't?"

Youngjae looked away at the ground, because even with their proximity they could not maintain eye contact for long. In a certain way, Jaebum even thanked him, if he continued to stare at him for so long, so close he would eventually narrow the distance between their mouths at once.

"You... know.” he said in a whisper.

"I don't." he answered, in a cut low voice. He really didn’t? Of course he did. He knew very well that Youngjae being a good church boy would never go out with a man, much less someone like  _him_. But he made himself unclear, refusing to accept the rejection, though he was resigned with the motive.

"You do." he insisted, firmer, clenching his fists. "I better go."

"Youngjae…"

The minor let out a low, almost tearful sigh that threatened to awaken the most instinctive part within Jaebum. It was as if Youngjae felt pain, and he felt it too. His eyes were swollen as he turned to put an end to it:

"We won't do this, Jaebum."

Youngjae pulled 50,000 won from his pocket and handed it over, leaning on Jaebum's chest, who made no mention of picking up the notes, looking sternly at his black irises, daring him to leave it. Youngjae felt his legs tremble and let the notes fall, making his even more nervous. The smaller one got rid of him and Jaebum honestly didn't restrain him from stopping, even though he was inwardly begging him to come back. Saying this, Youngjae turned and left the workshop, leaving Jaebum a frustrated mess.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un sorry?

Jaebum swore to himself that he would no longer touch on ‘Youngjae’ subject. So he did his best to not to send him more messages, or to think about him, which obviously was an impossible task. His body was clamoring to meet his, and his mind would always remember how his skin looked so soft, and his body every time it got too hot and he was too lonely.

If he could find someone else's company to drown that frustration? Obviously not. No staring look at the shoppers coming to him at the workshop would wake him up, no match at Tinder interested him, no girls at the after-hours bar would catch his eye. He spent a few days in that doldrums, and angry at himself for only getting Youngjae's face in his mind.

But all this didn’t take long to change. Only a week passed, which seemed to last a little eternity.

It was a Saturday when he reappeared. Once again, Jackson had already gone. Premeditated, always premeditated.

Youngjae was all dressed up, as if he were going to a party. He wore a light social shirt through a pair of black pants that were too tight for Jaebum to look at it quickly. He checked him out again, as he always did, thirsty, although he was still upset that the boy left him when he made his move a week ago.

“Why are you here?” he asked with a harsh tone. "Shouldn’t you be in the church doing good boy shit like you are?"

Youngjae at first glanced away, still a little shy.

“Jaebum... I've been thinking...”

The brunet dropped his tool, making a loud noise, and folded his arms to keep a distance from him even though he was curious.

"And in which conclusion did you reach?"

Youngjae averted his eyes a few times, before he managed to hold his gaze to start talking, the sharp nervousness in his voice.

"You-what is your intention with me? What will you do if I go out with you?”

Jaebum laughed through his nose.

"Do you want me to be honest?"

Youngjae nodded.

“The truth is a bit dirty...”

"I just want you to say it." he demanded nervously.

Jaebum uncrossed his arms and put his hands on his waist, leaning over to the shorter one, which flinched, blushing. Jaebum gave a quick grin, before getting serious, approaching just enough to invade his personal space and feel his expensive perfume.

"I want to kiss you, Youngjae. And not just your mouth, I'll use my tongue on you. I want to take off your clothes and see you without any fabric lying on my bed. I want to stick two fingers inside you and widen you patiently, sweetly, slowly, until you beg for me to use my dick. And you've never felt another dick before, I know. So I'll do everything lovingly so you won't feel any pain until you for beg me to go faster. And I'm going to fuck you, I’ll fuck you so bad that you'll only remember God to call His name in vain as you become desperate for more. And you'll like it a lot.” He finished with one more of those side smiles. "It's my intention with you, Youngjae, to be clear, for I have no pretense of frightening you beyond the way I have just put those words to you.”

Youngjae held his breath. His legs were trembling. Jaebum thought he might faint at any moment, nor that he wanted to provoke it. All he didn’t want was to come to him if he felt bad.

But Youngjae closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before opening them again and stare at him with his determined brown irises.

"And... what if I agree?"

Jaebum smiled discreditedly.

“Do you want to go out? Like now?”

Youngjae pulled him closer, sealing his lips and catching Jaebum completely unaware. Ever since he met Youngjae, he had been positively surprised, always taking the first step, taking an attitude that seemed so atypical of him. Who would have thought that Youngjae, the sweet boy at the church door, could cross his imaginary line of fantasies to agree to fuck him and kiss the dirty mechanic with no future prospects? And what a kiss... Youngjae's lips were soft, salty, delicious. His excitement disguised any inexperience he might have. Jaebum didn’t know, and he didn’t care if it was the first time he'd kissed a man-though it was a pleasure to know he'd be taking his first time out of him-but he took advantage of it by pulling his waist closer, while the other hand hovered at the nape of his neck. It wasn’t a romantic kiss, it was hurried and needy, as if Youngjae was trying to prove something, and he let the youngest have the dominance of the kiss, because he was so ecstatic that he was disoriented.

Finishing the kiss with a quick perk, Youngjae pulled away, putting his hands on the collar of Jaebum's shirt, refusing to let it go. His lips were swollen and wet when he said:

"Can we... go straight to this part?"

The insinuation awakened every sleeping part of his body, Jaebum felt that he could be aroused only by those words spoken in that tone. He grinned.

"You choose, baby boy.

Youngjae snorted, taking a step back.

"Don’t call me that, because I'm not calling you Daddy.” He made a pout. "Like never.”

"You don’t have to, but if you want, I won’t be against it.” He shrugged, but at the same time wondering how much Youngjae was less innocent than he thought he was, to suggest such things.

Youngjae still looked uncertain, but at last sighed and said:

“Let's go.”

.

.

The place where he lived was small, there was only one room besides the living room, bathroom and kitchen. The walls were well painted, he himself had made it when moved there, and the furniture was cheap but tasteful. The decoration was given by some drawings and photographs that he himself took, hanging by the wall of the room, making the whole apartment looks very clean and organized. But even so, Jaebum felt tense with the presence of the boy there, who looked with curiosity at the room as he pulled out his coat. Jaebum didn’t realize that he held his breath in anticipation, waiting for some note, some comment of disdain, something to show his disapproval for the place that had brought him. But Youngjae said nothing, the shorter seemed lost in his thoughts. Jaebum let out the air he held, approaching him from behind.

“Something wrong?” he asked, his voice low. Youngjae instantly turned to him, staring with his distracted eyes. "Thinking about giving up?"

Youngjae blinked a few times, confused by his words. Jaebum also sounded confused by his reaction, and the two of them stared at each other as if they didn’t know what they were doing anymore.

Until Youngjae took the initiative to give a purpose for his coming here, pulling him by the collar of his shirt to seal his lips. Jaebum was once more taken aback, but he was less static than the first time Youngjae kissed him, this time pulling the boy by the nape of the neck to deepen the kiss with his tongue, a strong electric current flowing through his body as the two began to kissing in the same intensity.

The boy didn’t want to waste time, and Jaebum decided to keep up with his pace. It wasn’t like he could control his body anyway. When he found himself, he was already touching Youngjae on the wall of the room, kissing him vigorously, with much saliva, teeth and tongue wrapped. And it was divine. Imagine how surreal it was to kiss the boy he had fantasized about for so long, and having his body pressed against his on the wall of his house, moaning softly as he held his back tightly was like breaking into the bars of the gate of paradise. Jaebum stopped the kiss not only to breathe but also to run the skin of his neck with his lips, giving kisses and hickeys in that area that was as soft and fragrant as he liked to imagine. In his Youngjae fantasies he had a sweet scent of vanilla, but live he could smell a strong masculine scent involving musk and cloves, and he truly loved the surprise.

Impatient, he dared to start opening the buttons of his social shirt, staring at him, undressing him anxiously by biting his lower lip. Jaebum wanted to do it, just as he did, interrupting the task of taking off his shirt to bite off that bit of flesh, giving a foul grin out of his mouth. Youngjae gasped, not waiting for that. When Jaebum stepped away again, giving him a triumphant grin at being able to leave him breathless, Youngjae tried to attack him again with his mouth as he took Jaebum's heavy leather jacket, which quickly took the piece off to drop it around.

As much as the idea of having sex against the wall appealed to him, Jaebum knew he would have a lot of work today, so he pulled him around the waist as he kissed him to guide him into the bedroom, which he let himself be taken with ease.

Youngjae had been thrown to the bed, falling rather brutishly, but Jaebum didn’t apologize in doing so, something told him that that was exactly what Youngjae wanted, and he didn’t complain. As soon as he had attacked the boy again with his lips, he had once again become impatient to take off his black shirt, which soon left Jaebum's body and flew somewhere. Youngjae's hands also signaled that he no longer wanted his pants, and he smiled at his impatience, but the church boy wasn’t about to tease him. Little by little, Youngjae begins to open the button of Jaebum's pants, which smiles and delights in his haste.

"My cock won’t run away.” He joked and received an ugly face in response.

“Take it off now.” something in his authoritative tone made Jaebum shiver, he didn’t dare disobey it.

"You're the boss, baby boy.”

He took off his pants, only left with the boxer, and realized that Youngjae was about to take it out too but he took his hands, bringing him over his head and kissed him again. He wouldn’t let him take the reins now, he was still fully clothed. Youngjae gasped at the kiss, though his wrists were held tightly. He finished the kiss by running the tip of his tongue over his lips in an extremely provocative way before saying:

“Be patient. I'll do everything I said I would.”

Youngjae let out a small grunt, something between a low moan and a meow that once again ruffled the hairs on the back of Jaebum's neck. He loved cats and Youngjae was proving to be as sly as one.

This time he positioned himself between Youngjae's legs and finished the effort of taking off his social shirt, being satisfied with Youngjae not to use any other piece underneath, although the weather outside was cold. The skin where the sun didn’t touch was very clear and soft, Jaebum touched with the tips of his fingers to make him bewildered, although he made no sudden movement. He felt tickled and twisted his neck with sensitivity. Everything was new to the smaller one.

He gave a path of kisses starting from his chin to Youngjae's chest, all in slow movements to make him anxious. He knew Youngjae was probably expecting a quick fuck coming from him, without tenderness, but he wouldn’t miss the opportunity to slow him down, and there wasn’t nothing he could do about it. He reached the nipple, beginning to circulate it with the mouth, finally using the tongue to lick and suck that little piece of sensitive skin. He kept his eyes wide open to see his reactions as he teased him. Youngjae moaned softly with his eyes closed tightly, his face moving fully focused. Now it was Jaebum who was eager to know what his reaction would be like when he started fucking him.

It didn’t take long in the other nipple, teasing with the tips of his fingers, but he didn’t concentrate his mouth there, descending to the soft stomach with his tongue, leaving a trail of saliva on his skin with a taste of salt and nervousness. He wanted to rip off his pants, but he ran his hand over his groin to feel his condition. He grinned konwing that Youngjae was already hard under his pants, so soon he tried to pull his out of his legs to let it fall on the floor.

When he tore off his pants, he saw by the way his muscles tightened that he was tense, but still Jaebum had been impressed by those two monuments he called legs. From his thighs to Youngjae's legs they were not much color, but he assumed that Youngjae was doing some sports, or his genetics had blessed him with those huge, thick thighs. He could not resist the urge to squeeze them and then stick his face there to nibble and lick the hidden area. If he hadn’t left many marks on his neck, he would leave it there. In the process of kissing and biting his thighs, he or he approached the groin to make him anxious to get to his limb soon, but never came.

“Jaebum… just do it.” His tone was of supplication, which Jaebum loved. He gave a small thud on his thigh to punish him for rushing him, and the grunting that came from the mouth of the lower one sounded like a treat to his ear. His skin turned red. He loved it.

He did the favor of ripping Youngjae's underwear, which as soon as he lost his last play, had the first reaction to close his legs, but Jaebum held him tight so that he was wide open for himself. He saw the expressions on his face, he was as red with shame as the virgin he knew he was. This amused the little sadistic part that was within him. He came closer to him with his  hard, stone-like limb, which was neither too big nor too small, perfect for his, there wasn’t even hair to hide it. All his skin was a lisbon and sounded even more like a sin to him.

Youngjae was there, open and completely naked in his bed, the way he wanted it most, as he had always imagined, and the most incredible thing was that it was even better than his imagination.

To tease him he ran his tongue around his cock only to mute it. The result was a loud moan from Youngjae, which he held in his hair as he wore and mouth on the boy's limb, but not forcing his throat, only sucking and licking the area lazily to make him even more thirsty. Youngjae almost yanked the strands out of his hair, and Jaebum knew he was about to start calling his name.

"Do you want me inside you, Youngjae?"

The boy was a mess, but he still managed to nod.

“Yes, please... In the pocket of my pants.” he said, his voice was breathless.

Jaebum raised his eyebrows, surprised as he didn’t expect it, but a positive surprise, as he expected something much more embarrassed of Youngjae and discover that he was more thirsty than he thought, turning him on even more. Premeditated, always premeditated. Replacing the surprise with malice, he took the pants off the boy's floor and took out a few packets of lube and the condom from his pocket, he gave a small smile and asked in a mocking tone:

“Did you leave home prepared?”

He didn’t expect an answer but Youngjae nodded.

"I've prepared myself... entirely..." he seemed to be even more embarrassed.

Jaebum's grin widened, understanding what he meant by that. He could not say he wasn’t surprised, but the surprise made him very pleased, even more excited. He opened the packet of lube smearing his fingers.

"It was your intention all along, wasn’t it?" the pragmatic smile on his face, Jaebum began to circulate the entrance of the boy, entering gently with a finger not to frighten him. The reaction was immediate, his back arched as his fingers entered, but he didn’t seem to feel pain. His eyes rolled with pleasure. He realized by the way his body was easily devouring his finger that Youngjae had already dared to play with that region, though he was still too soon to put it in. "Since the first time I saw you, I wanted to fuck you Youngjae, and you wanted too, didn’t you?"

"Yes," he answered within the moans. "You... Ja-Jaebum..."

"Keep my name when my dick is inside you, baby boy. Concentrate on that now.”

Youngjae took a deep breath, it was hard to concentrate with Jaebum telling him these things, and the sadist laughing at his features as he pushed and pulled his two fingers inside. It was a surprise to think that Youngjae was so bold as to have already prepared himself in that tight spot before he left the house, he practically drooled to think of the boy doing that thinking of him. He sticked in with more force, which caused a loud groan of the boy, didn’t know of pain or pleasure.

“Jaebum...!”

The brunette returned to kiss him to calm him down, sealing his lips several times as an apology. But his legs trembled and his cock was stone-hard. Jaebum knew that he wasn’t going to endure any teasing and foreplay for a long time, so he decided to take his fingers out from within himself and grope around the condom to start that. Youngjae looked at him a little bewildered, as if he had already came it, though he hadn’t, with his sweaty and needy face.

Jaebum took off his underwear staring at him, giving him a little show, knowing that Youngjae could not get any redder than he already was. The younger bit his lower lip, to suppress the craving as Jaebum's stiff cock jumped out. The taller man looked at his mouth being bitten thinking that maybe another time he would let Youngjae suck him, but he could not stand another minute without being inside him.

Jaebum put the condom on quickly and pulled out a pillow to support the boy and make him more comfortable. Youngjae no longer looked so sheepish, but when Jaebum positioned himself between his legs, his first reaction was to shut them up with shame, but the brunet held tight to his thighs to make his entrance visible to himself.

“Youngjae...” He took a deep breath, trying to control himself “Tell me... when can I...”

"F…me… Jaebum, f-fu…" Youngjae was so disoriented that he could barely try to make himself understood. Jaebum knew he wanted to say some dirty word but he felt incapable. It was still too much for him, and Jaebum nodded, leaning down to kiss him lightly on the lips indicating he understood. As if the two were passionate lovers which they were not, but still Jaebum found himself obliged to take care of him, to take everything at his pace to make that experience the best possible for him. For both.

Jaebum pressed his head against the young man's entrance, catching his jaw when he felt swallowed by the tight cavity. He began to penetrate him carefully, seeking all the patience he didn’t know how to keep from moving when he was finally inside him, for Youngjae to get used to, which took more psychological time for himself than he thought it would take. Youngjae was barely breathing, nervous and tense. Jaebum spread kisses around his neck, murmuring "Relax" to the boy who would let loose. As Youngjae's body began to roll against his, tearing a pout from his lips, Jaebum began to dictate his rhythm against him.

Their bodies collided slowly, and Jaebum never thought he'd like this kind of sex. He didn’t use much force against Youngjae, who nevertheless contorted with pleasure and gasped every time he thrust deeper and reached the point he wanted. He moaned louder than Jaebum thought he would, the younger one was quite vocal and even a bit scandalous. Not that he didn’t like it, it was quite the opposite in fact. Everytime Youngjae groaned loudly, he felt like pulling in even harder, though he controlled himself all the time so as not to hurt him.

It was strange to see that after all this time touching thinking about that moment, Jaebum wouldn’t let his individualism speak louder to fuck him in the way he wanted, but he would try his best to make Youngjae enjoy and moan with pleasure. Seeing him so delirious was better than feeling pleasure alone. He wanted Youngjae to moan his name, and when the younger boy grabbed him on the back and began to scratch him with his short nails, he smiled a triumphant little smile, increasing the rhythm that Youngjae liked too. He wanted to see him totally at his mercy, he wanted to give everything to Youngjae, he wanted to see that boy completely destroyed because of his fault.

Over time, he realized that he could inflict more force on the smaller boy, as his body was beginning to get better at his onslaughts. He pulled his entire cock out from inside of it, before thrusting in again, slapping another crack in his thigh. He himself could barely groan his lips as he entered everything again into him, but Youngjae's reaction had been more intense as he felt it hit him exactly where he wanted to.

“J-Jaebum...!”

Ah, music to your ears. Youngjae moaned his name as his eyes fluttered. He took the smaller member within his hands, masturbating it at the same pace as he stored, increasing his pace, feeling himself catch fire. He would cum it at any moment, but it would make Youngjae do it first.

“Come to me, baby boy. You know you want it.” he said in his most provocative tone.

He gasped again and dug his nails into the back of the brunette’s before finally came in his hands. He twisted his neck and closed his eyes tightly as he cumming. Jaebum smiled as he finally discovered what his orgasm face was like. The boy's hot liquid trickled down his fingers, he continued to stimulate him until he pulled out the last drop, feeling victorious, as if he were doing magic.

He let the boy enjoy his orgasm as he came to his own, penetrating with a little more force than he should have. His skin burned from nail scratches, but it only intensified his pleasure even more when he finally came inside. He buried his face in Youngjae’s perfumed neck when he felt the strong sensation of sex intoxicate him, needing to stock up a few more times within himself to exhaust all his pleasure. He could not resist biting his shoulder because of the heat of the moment, he knew he would leave a mark on his teeth, and that he wouldn’t like it, but it was too late and he would be leaving an apparent memory in his body.

They both gasped loudly, trying to calm down. The sex wasn’t the most intense Jaebum ever had. He always liked to fuck hard and fast. But he felt as pleased and satisfied as if it was, and it wasn’t something to do with the haze of orgasm. Maybe it had something to do with having satisfied his curiosity to have sex with the boy who had been watching for months, to make his fantasy come true. He didn’t know how to say it, but seeing Youngjae stretched out beneath him, red and completely exhausted was a vision he would never want to give up. That was unique.

He kissed the spot that hurt the smaller, raising his lips to his neck and ending in his mouth, starting a sloppy kiss and strangely too romantic for the situation they were. But Youngjae accepted, stroking Jaebum’s black hair with his fingers.

“So, it was good?” Jaebum asked, brushing his face against his soft skin.

"Um... don’t ask me these things... I can not say. he replied visibly tired.

"You seem to like it." He teased him a little more.

Youngjae sighed, smirking as he closed his eyes, saying,

“Liked it…”

Jaebum realized he was drowsy, so he let him lay his head to rest a little. Youngjae fell asleep in his arms before he pulled back from him, the boy looked completely finished.

After he recovered, Jaebum was able to stand up to throw the condom into the trash and clean himself in the bathroom. He went back to getting dressed and got some water to take to Youngjae, who was still snoring lightly in his bed, completely naked and oblivious to his eyes that still felt desire for the boy's body even after what happened, so he covered it, Youngjae's ass was deconcentrating him.

He doesn’t know how much time he spent staring at the sleeping boy.

That should be an usual meeting, like the people he knew randomly on Tinder. They would go out, get laid, get what they wanted without any feelings involved, but still he was intrigued. Youngjae wasn’t like the random people he met, he didn’t have that profile. He was a church boy, virgin and inexperienced, probably from a higher class, and who needed an excuse to approach him. He wanted to understand where Youngjae's curiosity and courage came from, because he would never say he was his type. Not that Jaebum also didn’t consider himself uninteresting so people didn’t approach him randomly on the street, but everything about Youngjae sounded different, and it whetted his curiosity far more than an ordinary fucking should do.

Eventually Youngjae awoke, blinking with his confused little eyes, looking lost from where he was and what he had just done. Jaebum was amused, but worried that he would act completely differently after the arouse had passed. He sat down on the bed, looking for Jaebum with his eyes against the window. He wanted to have a cigarette in his hands, but he hadn’t had time to buy a new pack. Strangely, the situation made him more euphoric than he had calmed his thirst for having sex with that boy. It was as if he was anticipating the high tide.

“What time is it?” Youngjae asked a little hoarsely, and Jaebum loved to hear the state he was about because of him.

He glanced quickly at his cell phone before answering.

“01:31.”

Youngjae's eyes widened, trying to get up.

“This late?”

"You slept a lot.” Jaebum shrugged, not bothered.

The boy bit his lower lip nervously, though that part of his body was so bruised by what they had just done.

“I need to leave.” He said, a little exasperated “My parents think I was at a party in the church, which already must be over...”

Jaebum grinned sarcastically as he dealt with reality. Youngjae has just once again become the boy on the other side of the street, with pastel colors and an innocent smile.

"Was that the excuse you gave to them to come to meet me?"

The smaller one lowered his eyes, ashamed. Jaebum sighed, feeling guilty for his expression. I wanted to tease him but not to let him down. He owed his no satisfaction, and after the great night he had given him, he shouldn’t judge him that way.

“Where do you live?”

Youngjae still didn’t look at him again and murmured the neighborhood where he lived. Jaebum wasn’t surprised to discover that it was a noble neighborhood, and obviously far away.

“I'll take you.”

The younger one was surprised, but eventually nodded, not even having the strength to argue. And Jaebum was once again intrigued to be treating Youngjae in a way that didn’t address his casual encounters, but he could not help himself. He pointed to the bathroom door when he was asked by the younger man, who walked out of the room, curled up in the sheet and wobbly, begging him not to look. Jaebum laughed, not believing that his shyness came back as soon as they finished it, but it wasn’t too unpredictable for him to act that way. After all, he had just taken the virginity out of that boy.

He picked up the keys of his old but fully remodeled Chevette and left with Youngjae when he was already dressed, though his messy hair and red face indicated what he might be doing before. Jaebum knew that he had impregnated the whole boy with his smell, he would be surprised if anyone guessed at first where he went, and underneath his clothes, his marks on his thighs and shoulder made it clear what he'd been doing.

The trip was silent and uncomfortable, only with Youngjae telling him which way to go. That tension in the air was characteristic of when one wanted to say something but never did. Jaebum could not say what he meant, though he knew something he wished. Youngjae had no idea, and hoped he would, since the boy had taken so many initiatives in their relationship. But Youngjae had said nothing until he reached his house in a traditional, rich neighborhood. Obviously Youngjae's house would be much bigger than the old house where he lived. Jaebum didn’t know if he would turn off the car, for Youngjae was staring straight ahead without moving to leave, or telling him what he wanted.

“Jaebum...” that was it then, the boy would finally say. He turned to him.

The little brown eyes in the darkness glittered. They looked at each other, but Youngjae didn’t tell him anything else. He didn’t want to rush him, but being in front of the boy's luxurious house made him nervous. He had to get away, but at the same time he didn’t want to leave him. Anticipating her going was to extend his time with Youngjae. It sounded as if he would never see him again.

“Thanks for the ride.” he said with only that. And the question “Just this…?" sounded in Jaebum's head, but the smaller one was already getting out of the car, without any kind of farewell. He didn’t look back as he headed for the house gate. No nostalgia, no distant looks.

Somehow that attitude didn’t hurt or frustrate him. Something about how Youngjae tried to run away so fast told him he would see him again. It wasn’t over yet.

And with hope in his chest, he drove down the street to return home. He needs a cigarette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like it mina-san


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk even know why it took so long to me to update  
> so im just sorry???

He thought that after that night they would lose all contact, but never he was so wrong.

Youngjae texted him the day after, thanking him for the ride and everything. Jaebum grinned mischievously at the thought of “everything” he was referring to. He couldn’t help by answering, which triggered a long and lasting contact.

Strangely from then on they managed to hold a casual conversation even though he didn’t expect it from Youngjae, because he always thought the boy was the shy type. But now that he'd let go of him until he'd talked a lot. And Jaebum was surprised that he was glad to respond, even if he had to finish the contact after the one-night stand.

He ended up learning some things about Youngjae.

The boy eventually let slip some details about himself, such as the fact that he was attending college but that wasn’t what he wanted because he was being forced by his parents. He also sang and played piano in the church, which was his true passion. He spoke so passionately about music that it was impossible not to be delighted. Jaebum could spend hours talking about music with him, hearing about his tastes, even though his rationality was screaming for him to get away from the boy after getting what he wanted. But that little boring part of his conscience reminded him whenever deep down he had something romantic, and that might create some hope of meeting Youngjae one more time.

Which didn’t take long to happen.

Jaebum had not stopped watching him with his hungry eyes when the boy was in front of the church. He wasn’t so shy now to look away, on the contrary, sometimes Youngjae had the audacity to give him a little smirk, remembering what had happened a few nights ago. Jaebum liked that kind of game, made him think it was a secret between them, amused him and urged him to try it again.

His addiction to watching him from afar had already caught the attention of Jackson, who once joked:

"You're going to end up putting a hole in his forehead like this." the Chinese commented, to which he laughed in response.

“I'd rather have another hole.” he replied with malice on the lips.

Jackson burst into laughter with his typical hyena laugh.

"You're day-dreaming, the boy is not for your poor ass.”

“And why not?” Jaebum questioned, though he still wasn’t joking.

"Rich little boys like that one do not want anything like us, mainly because he's from the church. He must be a biased church freak.”

His features closed in earnest.

“He’s not.” Jaebum slammed his jaw.

"Well, believe what you want." Jackson shrugged. "I'm not the one who wants to fuck him."

That made Jaebum a little uneasy, though he shouldn’t since he have already gotten what he wanted. But Youngjae continued to haunt his thoughts, until he realized that only one night would not make him fully satisfied. He didn’t consider himself a sex addict to think of that first encounter as the first intense dose of a drug he would want to try on more and more, but still the first night would not leave his head, thinking how it had not even come close to be enough, although it didn’t disappoint him at all. So he couldn’t stop himself from being in touch with the boy, even if he knew that the possibility of happening again was little to nothing.

Well, surprisingly-or not, since he had shown himself to be far more courageous than he appeared-Youngjae was once again the first to call.

He was still impressed, but he didn’t refuse the invitation to meet him at the coffee shop. That cafe was in his upscale neighborhood, which Jaebum found a bit careless on his part, but it wasn’t his reputation that was at stake right there, he had nothing to lose, so he went to the compound, parking his old car a few meters away.

When he entered the small establishment he soon found Youngjae sitting at the back of the shop sipping coffee in one of those long plastic cups, too expensive for what they were worth. Jaebum had never bothered to buy one of those, although he did love coffee, because cool and overpriced stores didn’t suit his style, and he didn’t even have the money for it. He came over and sat down in front of him, amused by Youngjae's surprised expression of distraction and not seeing him approach.

“So, did you call me for business?”

He blushed. Today Youngjae wore a cream sweater and black coat. It was the first time he had seen him not use something entirely pastel colours.

"If you call it business ..." He looked nervous, looking around the store as if he feared to be seen. And of course he feared being seen.

"So that's what you really want."

Youngjae nodded, feeling even more ashamed.

"Is that why you kept in touch with me?" he asked in a cold tone.

The smaller one grinned.

"You're good to talk to..."

"But I'm better in bed." Jaebum completed, victorious.

"I can not compare with anyone, then..."

“I was really your first?”

Youngjae jiggled again with an embarrassed nod. Jaebum laughed. He already knew that, but he delighted provoking it.

“I feel flattered.”

The younger one looked away, sharply nervous.

"Can we stop this subject?" he asked, looking around, still afraid to being seen.

"I thought that was exactly what you wanted." Jaebum shrugged, not concerned to extend the conversation. It wasn’t him who was in danger of being seen right there. He didn’t care.

Youngjae bit his bottom lip.

"Yeah…" he finally admitted.

Though Jaebum was amused, he didn’t laugh at him. It was exactly what he wanted.

“So let's get going.”

Youngjae sighed.

“Let's go.”

Before going, Youngjae paid him a drink.

.

.

Theoretically, nothing had changed.

It was still the same soft lips, the same arms around his neck, and the same voice moaning his name, but he didn’t have the tone of sameness as when he was bored with the people he meet casually. Maybe it was because Youngjae was less tense and he could put it in deep inside him, because the younger one begged him to do it in his timid voice yet greedy and needy. Maybe it was because they had done it more than once, because this time Youngjae didn’t faint on sleep between one orgasm and another. The first time was good, but full of expectations that the second didn’t open space to be thought because they were too busy feeling pleasure.

When they finihed and Jaebum finally let Youngjae rest, he felt a pang of guilt with the red marks he had left on the young man's thighs, though his sadistic side was proud. Today he had cigarettes at home, and he swallowed his pack of Camel near the window. The smell of nicotine roused Youngjae, who grimaced at Jaebum, already dressed only in a pair of sweatpants, which although it was a rather distracting image, he still had the audacity to say:

"Put out this crap, it's annoying.”

Jaebum couldn’t say why he obeyed the order of that bossy kid on the automatics, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray that was on the window jamb at the same moment.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, though he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. Youngjae nodded.

“A little…”

"I was thinking about ordering pizza anyway, but if you want..."

Youngjae made a mouthful.

“I’d want if you please…”

Jaebum smiled, picking up his cell phone.

“I'll order. If you want to you can take a shower. Want some clothes?” and again, he didn’t know why he was doing it, being so kind, but he did anyway. Youngjae accepted and he gave him a shirt and sweatpants to get dressed as soon as he got out of the shower.

The pizza didn’t take long to arrive, and Youngjae insisted on paying a portion, though Jaebum asked him not to worry. They sat at the coffee table in his living room, his apartment was small, and he didn’t have a dining table, as he was always alone at home, taking the occasional visit from Jackson or Jinyoung. But overall it was just him.

"So you live alone ..." Youngjae started the matter. "What about your parents?"

“They live on the country side.” Jaebum replied simplistically, he didn’t have much problem in talking about his parents. “I didn’t want to live in a rural town anymore, it is horrible that all the people in the city knows you. So I rebelled, I became a rebellious and stubborn son and told them I was going to the big city, they gave me their blessing and I left. We were fine after that, they're good people after all, I didn’t exactly had a reason to hate them and run away from home. I just wanted to have my space.”

Youngjae let out a small, ungraceful laugh, and caught his attention.

"How old are you, Youngjae?"

Youngjae laughed again.

"Worried you’re committing a crime?"

Jaebum rolled his eyes.

“Curiosity.” He shrugged. "You live with your parents, right? Maybe I actually committed some crime, I hope not."

"Do not worry," he smiled, "I'm going to do 23 next month. And you?”

"I'm 25." He couldn’t deny that he was much calmer with the information.

"Should I call you hyung?" he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

Jaebum couldn’t deny that glow expression, though he answered in a nonchalant tone.

"Call me whatever you want."

His face blushed briefly, and Jaebum loved the fact that even after what they did he still had the courage to blush in front of him.

They finished eating at a slow but comfortable pace. Jaebum didn’t think he was going to get on so fast with him, but he felt that extremely natural mood. It was good, and it didn’t frighten him.

“I must go now.” Youngjae said when they were finished with the food. “My parents think I'm in my part-time job…”

"Is that the excuse this time?"

He seemed to be nervous. Jaebum immediately felt guilty. He couldn’t judge him to be lying for his parents it in the least, they were nothing at all, and he didn’t know Youngjae's relationship with his parents to blame him for anything. The younger swallowed, a little embarrassed to answer:

“I had time off today...”

Jaebum came over to stroke Youngjae’s brown hair, a gesture too tender for the kind of relationship they had, but he still did, leaving the wires messy.

“I'll take you home.”

Saying this, Jaebum took him home in his old gas-smelling car. He liked his old uncomfortable friend, and Youngjae didn’t complain, in fact he even hummed a song on the radio all the way. He had a beautiful voice, Jaebum could hear it all day.

And this time before Youngjae got out of the car, they said goodbye with the boy giving her a kiss on the cheek, which made his heart jump.

.

.

Any tension that existed when they were first meeting was tiny now that they had so much contact per message. It was as if they knew each other much longer than they actually knew do, nor did it seem that there was a relationship based solely on sex. They talked about their day, about Spotify playlists, politics and about art. Youngjae seemed to be surprised when he discovered that Jaebum was much more connected to art and music than it seemed, not because he was of a lower class that he was a complete ignoramus. If it was a few months ago, he would be furious at being underestimated by a stingy upper-class boy, but by now he could only be grateful for Youngjae's surprise.

It wasn’t as if they had much in common, but it wasn’t as if they were completely different either. They were able to find a middle ground in matters that diverged, and one was always willing to know a little more about what the other had to teach. Although little less on cars, Youngjae wasn’t very keen on cars.

The sex continued, it was good and more and more they could understand each other more.

That was a time Youngjae once hit home. When he opened the door, Youngjae still wore his motorcycle helmet, which was baby blue in vintage style, matching his scooter, visor up and buckles dangling from his chin. He wore a black sweater, too big for himself, white jeans and sneakers. He smiled holding a bag in one of his hands.

“I brought some food!” He lifted the bag to show it.

Jaebum scanned it from top to bottom, which elicited a confused reaction from him.

“What's it? I did something wrong?” the younger blinked a few times.

“Is this some kind of porn movie?” he smirked, tryng not to laugh, though the fantasy was in his head and he was thinking of several perverted things with the younger boy.

“Uh?” Youngjae blinked a few times.

He dried it again, biting his lip at the end. Youngjae took some time to understand, until he shrieked "Ah!" And finally understood what he meant, turning red at the end.

"I-can I do it again?"

This time it was Jaebum getting confused.

“What?”

“Just leave!”

Jaebum shrugged.

“All right.”

Youngjae closed the door and stood outside, leaving Jaebum even more curious, and frowning, he folded his arms and waited for whatever the boy had planned. Youngjae took about five minutes outside the apartment, and Jaebum was already starting to worry that the young man was simply gone. Anxiety began to take over his heart, and he was already giving up waiting there without doing anything, opening the door to go after him when the apartment bell rang. He sighed, starting to open the door and tell Youngjae that he was only joking when he came across an image he wasn’t expecting.

He was shirtless, his coat tied around his waist, his helmet over his head covering his hair, and still holding the bag with his food. He bit his lower lip, staring at him with the most malicious look he could make. If he said that it didn’t affect his body, he would be lying.

"Is that where you ordered pizza, ma'am? Your deliver boy has arrived.”

Jaebum couldn’t stand it.

He laughed. In fact, he laughed to the point that little tears formed in the corner of his eyes. It's okay that before he had joked about being a porn scene, but when the boy staged the whole scene, he just couldn’t resist. Youngjae wasn’t that kind of person, and when he did things unintentionally he uncontrollably acted, but that way he could only go wrong with laughing.

"Aigoo..." the younger grumbled, making a mouthful. "Don’t laugh! I did the whole scene just for you.”

Jaebum laughed even more, moving closer to the boy to wrap his arms around him, hugging him to protect him from the cold. He took off the boy's helmet and threw it on the couch in the living room to give him a kiss on his forehead.

“Sorry, it was really funny.”

Youngjae also couldn’t resist and began to laugh along with him, although still hugged. They were close and they took advantage of that situation to admire each other's smile. Youngjae had never seen him smile like that, and let it escape while admiring Jaebum’s features:

"I've never seen you smile like this.” He brought his hand to the other’s face, feeling his lines with his fingertips. "Your smile is beautiful.”

And that was what Jaebum was talking about the things he did in an unintentional way that throbbed deep in his soul. He took advantage of the proximity and then joined his lips, he reached into his brown hair and pulled the back of his neck to start the intense, needy kiss they were so used to for always doing it hurriedly.

Eventually Youngjae went to his bed. The food cooled.

.

.

Jaebum felt a soft tingling sensation when Youngjae was near him. It was strange but good, to feel the body light as if floating in the clouds. Youngjae's smile wasn’t something he could describe easy with words, for he felt so airy when he saw it, especially when he was responsible for provoking it. Standing side by side with the smaller was becoming more and more natural and addictive.

Deep inside he had already admitted that the physical part wasn’t what bound him to Youngjae, although he loved to press him against his bed. But Youngjae was so much more than a moaning body. He was a human being, after all, and Jaebum never thought he would be attached to another human being as much as he was letting himself be by Youngjae, though he knew he shouldn’t.

But who would judge him? Youngjae looked like the most precious thing that ever stepped on the Earth, it made him feel different. Even if he was from a higher social class, belonging to the hypocritical church and a circle of petty people, never anyone from his own circle - and by that Jaebum meant people who occasionally meet that they were also not in better financial condition but had the mind open and tastes alike - had managed to arouse and interest him as this boy had.

Jaebum was beginning to feel anxious about them. He longed to see him more, but didn’t want to frighten him or change everything that existed between them for more serious ideas than he should. Having Youngjae alone in their sporadic encounters in the apartment, on the sly, was better than not having him.

It was Youngjae, as always, who took the first step to something that had been going through his head for some time.

He sent a message, like he does not want anything, asking if he wanted to go on a date. Jaebum's heart almost came out of his mouth, and his face tightened with the size of his smile. He made himself hard to get for a few minutes before accepting, although he was dying of anticipation, and smiled like a fool for the rest day.

On the day of the meeting Youngjae wanted to take him on his scooter. He dressed simply, in a pink sweater and light jeans. Jaebum wore a chess shirt at the waist, a black shirt and a coat. He came up smiling, the boy was wearing an extra helmet, this one being black, while his was still the usual pastel blue. It suited him.

"May I ask why you refused my machine today?" he asked, referring to his old smelly junk car which he liked so much.

Youngjae laughed, handing him the black helmet.

"I was the one who called you, so I'm the one who’s going to take you around." Jaebum raised his eyebrow in a smile with the boy's daring. “And do not complain!”

“Never.” He couldn’t help but to put a perk on his lips, which made Youngjae dull. Jaebum loved his expression.

They rode the scooter along the bank of the river late in the afternoon, wind banging their faces as Jaebum pulled a nose-rubbing rub on his neck. He had such good smell.

They walked a little and then went to the movies. An incredibly normal and standard program, but that Jaebum couldn’t have made more use of it. They watched a horror movie. Youngjae was frightened easily and almost jumped on his lap. Jaebum squeezed his hand, caressing him to calm him down. They finished the movie embracing each other, with Youngjae curled in his arms, while he tried not to laugh of his cuteness.

They ended the day by going to a Japanese food restaurant. Jaebum was even surprised that Youngjae wanted to take him in such a crowdy place, but the boy didn’t seem to think about it. He was even more distracted than he was.

They got lost in the conversation as they filled their mouths with sushi, so much that they didn’t notice when a couple approached, the woman calling by the name of the youngest:

“Youngjae?”

He turned, his expression freezing as he faced the couple who must have been in their 30s. The man had easily forgotten features, but the woman had something rigid in her eyes.

“Mrs. Jung.” He rose to greet her, bowing respectfully.

"Is it not Saturday the day of your group's church meeting?"

Jaebum noticed how Youngjae tensed.

“We don’t have it today.” he hastened to answer.

“Ah, I see.” she said, but her eyes were fixed on Jaebum, who couldn’t look unsightly at her back. She flicked her nose, as if he was feeling something bad, before saying. "I don’t remember seeing you before."

“He’s a friend.” Youngjae said in almost squeaky voice. "A College’s friend.”

Mrs. Jung gave a smile that was supposed to sound nice but made Jaebum feel like throwing up.

"Take him to church sometime, Youngjae, to hear the word of the Lord."

“Sure.” he replied, once more on the automatics and Jaebum clenched his fist under the table.

They said goodbye, but Jaebum's mood had fired.

He spent the rest of the dinner quiet, which had already aroused Youngjae's concern, but he couldn’t help it. He knew he couldn’t take anything from him, they were nothing at all, but I still pissed him off, thinking that he had to lie like that to disguise their relationship. He didn’t want to feel ignored, but he did.

Youngjae took him back home on his scooter. Arriving in his apartment Jaebum didn’t ask him to climb and didn’t say what he was thinking before the infamous couple appeared. He just climbed up, tired, not caring if Youngjae followed him or not. He opened the door to the apartment and threw himself on the sofa. It was midnight already, maybe he should sleep right there, grumpy.

But Youngjae followed him, closed the door behind and sat down on the couch next to him. Jaebum grimaced.

"Shouldn’t you go back to your parents' house?"

"I said I was sleeping in a friend’s from church to set up an event next week."

"Oh, of course, and you, as a good church boy, are doing such an event. And shouldn’t be with a who you met on the streets. _A College’s friend_.” he said in a mocking tone that he knew would hurt Youngjae.

The boy took a deep breath, leaning over him. Jaebum seeing his pouting and being immediately guilty of using that tone with him.

"She is the co-ordinator of the choir that I'm part of the church and my mother's friend ..." Youngjae replied, visibly annoyed.

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes, seeming uninterested though in the inside he was wondering if this would harm Youngjae someway.

He didn’t expect Youngjae's response to his rudeness to be the boy jumping up his lap, his thick legs on either side of his body. Jaebum held his breath.

“Jaebum-ah ...” he began to pounting and Jaebum fought with all his strength to keep impassive.

"Maybe you'd better go, Jae." he said, although that wasn’t what he wanted, but he was still upset.

“Are you kicking me out?”

A flame flickered in Youngjae's eyes. That same flame of when he was determined to take the initiative on something. He approached, stealing kisses from his neck and sending shivers down the back of his neck. Jaebum pretended that he wasn’t affected, though it was overly difficult when Youngjae started to rise and nibble on his ear. He was a little sensitive there, and the kisses and bites he gave him in his cartilage and earrings, along with the slight curls that Youngjae gave him in his lap, was beginning to awaken his cock.

When Youngjae realized that Jaebum would continue to be difficult, he gave him the shot of mercy as he stepped back to face him in the most painstaking voice possible:

“Jaebum oppa...”

He knew the effect these words had on him. The youngest was playing with him, but he knew what he wanted. The word traveled from his ear to his cock, which gave a sign of life. The top head gave up and left its head underneath thinking for itself.

“Shit, Youngjae.”

He pulled at him, beginning to kiss him fiercely. Youngjae gasped, responding to the thirsty kiss, trying to rub himself harder. That curling was his doom, just like that little voice that called by his name. Jaebum was completely disoriented when he started acting like this, and even though he knew Youngjae could handle him easily, he let himself go.

He gripped his waist tightly, circling his waist up to her thighs and ending up in the butt where he tightened. Youngjae bit his lower lip with the tight, devious smile between his lips. Jaebum knew he was no saint at all, but he was always impressed when the younger showed his shabby side.

Youngjae pulled away just enough to take off his own coat, followed by his shirt, the bare chest on top of him. Jaebum took the opportunity to make a wet path with his tongue to the nipple, licking his beak quietly as if he wasn’t in a hurry to throw him on his bed to squeeze into himself. The younger threw his neck back, his eyes rolling with pleasure.

But he didn’t let him stay at that slow pace forever, so he also hurried to take Jaebum's shirt off, distributing kisses onto his neck to his chest, down to his abdomen, but he didn’t come down because he didn’t want to lose position. The boy was in a hurry, starting to take off Jaebum's pants to pull down.

He removed his pants, then Youngjae withdrew his own, leaving only his underwear on him. Jaebum bit his own lower lip, delighting in the image of a nearly naked Youngjae on his lap before they kissed again.

Each day he discovered something new about Youngjae, even in sex, when they had done so many times that he thought he knew every corner of the younger's body. But every time he discovered something new, a new sensation, a different moan and a different motive for him to want to keep desiring Youngjae with all the strength of his soul. It was insane to want someone like Youngjae wanted, because even if he was already there in his hands and at his mercy, it wasn’t enough.

Jaebum let himself be led by Youngjae, even if his wished to lift him up his on this thighs to his room. In a firm voice saying "Stay there" the younger ran into the bathroom and returned a few minutes later with lubricant and a condom. The boy crouched between his legs and began to masturbate him, but not too long with his hands, then using his mouth to tease him, as he looked at him with his eyes. Jaebum smirked and was about to take him by the hair, but he ducked, not letting the brunet take dominance at any moment. Youngjae put it on with the condom and then came back up onto his lap, spreading the viscous gel between his cock to start right away.

He got rid of the rest of his clothes and sat so tightly on top of him that he relinquished control he normally had. Youngjae was warm and his hips were rhythmic on the top of him. He squeezed and beat on his ass in such a favorable position, leaving the red skin as the boy's arms around his neck and scratching his back with his short nails. And Youngjae whimpered, but never slowed.

"You're an addict, are you?" he murmured in his ear, taking up the thrusts with his cock to let Youngjae understand what he was saying. “Addicted to my cock.”

That was what he thought sometimes. Youngje was addicted to his body. Addicted to the way he kissed him and his cock coming into him. For that alone justified the fact that a boy like Youngjae was with him. The younger had extended the case with him too much, and for Jaebum it was too good to be true. Youngjae must have been addicted to having him in his hand that way, so he would not rule him out, but he couldn’t take anything serious with him either.

Increasingly negative thoughts flooded into his mind, and he tried to get rid of it with the rhythm of Youngjae's hips sitting on him. Damn, he was so good sitting on him that he should be glad to have it so often, that Youngjae allowed it. He wanted more, but he would accept that Youngjae was just that.

He laughed between the kiss, smothering a loud groan in the curve of his neck, he tightened his hips, which would leave a bruise there after. Jaebum accelerated masturbation on Youngjae's dick while fucking him, which reached the climax shortly thereafter, cumming on his hand. He tried to catch his breath, turning his face to him once he was over.

Youngjae's whole body trembled on top of him. But the little brown eyes looked at him with more seriousness than the moment should. He broke eye contact by kissing him superficially, handing out the apology scribbles. Only when he managed to utter the words did Jaebum notice his tearful tone:

"I'm sorry, Jaebummie ... you're not just a who." He rubbed his cheek against her neck. "I'm sorry.”

The words... the apology... He wanted to blame the mind for being drunk with pleasure yet, but he knew that it wasn’t it when his heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t the afterglow that feeling that was spreading in his chest. He tried to silence Youngjae with small kisses because he didn’t know what to do or say. His day had made a 360-degree turn twice today, but listening to those words had moved on more than anything that happened today.

Jaebum carried him on his lap to his room, all of that had happened on the couch in his living room, and Youngjae was so sleepy and tired that as soon as he landed on the bed he fainted. Jaebum sighed, already used to Youngjae's blackouts of fatigue, but couldn’t blame him, he gave him a wonderful day with a even better night, despite the mood swings. But the words, the last statement, still echoed in his head. He caressed Youngjae's brown hair before joining in to hug him in a spoon.

"It wasn’t supposed to be like that way, Jae.” he whispered to the smaller ears before let himself falling asleep.

_I wasn’t supposed to feel that way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg da feeelings


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I.... I thought I already finished??? i mean... i had written everything yet so WHY DID I NOT UPDATED IT? IDK  
> thanks for a blessed soul asked me on twitter when the update was coming so I remembered  
> really im sorryyyyyyy

There wasn’t just a few times that he wondered if Youngjae was only playing with him, that there wasn’thing deeper in his feelings than that uncontrollable attraction between them, until the day he murmured that no, he wasn’t just anyone to him, although they haven’t defined anything after that.

Youngjae still had that aura of mystery around him. He was getting to know the younger better, every day he would discover a new piece of him, a new nuance of his personality. He found that he smiled spontaneously, that he could rarely restrain a loud laugh, he was amused at everything, and that he always hit the nearest person as he laughed. He discovered that he was allergic to cucumbers and cats, and that his lips broke easily. He found that music was his passion, and that he didn’t want to run a company like his father. He also discovered that he was a loner, for no one with whom he talked to at the Church was really his friend. No one knew him at all.

He just didn’t found out the true feelings of Youngjae for himself.

Youngjae was a sweet, caring, gentle and somewhat shy person, especially with strangers, but Jaebum had begun to notice that he didn’t show his feelings easily. He tried to make up for it with the small meetings they had now, they had dates to discreet places and the boy paying him the food and entrance to the everything. Jaebum hated that he did, but he was always confused as to why Jaebum would not accept it. Over time, Jaebum began to realize that it was the way he tried to demonstrate that Youngjae, just like him, was beginning to cling.

Once, Jaebum was waiting, leaning against his car, for him to leave college to take him home soon after, that a familiar figure had come to take on his nerves.

It was Bambam, a handsome thai boy with long legs and beautiful tan skin that he had slept to a few months ago. Jackson introduced them in a party. Jaebum had enjoyed being with him, but it was just one night stand. He didn’t know what he was doing at that university when he approached to greet him. Bambam smiled with his thick, shiny lips. He wore grape-flavored gloss, Jaebum remembered.

“How long, JB.”

Jaebum grinned sheepishly.

“Bambam?”

They talked for a few minutes, but Jaebum started to get annoyed when he realized that Bambam was coming upon for him. Not that it was really bad idea, Bambam is cute, just his type, and really good boy in bed, the night he had spent with him was indeed memorable, but he wasn’t in the mood for remembrance.

_He wasn’t Youngjae._

And speaking of him, of course Youngjae chose this moment to appear and grimed when he saw the Thai practically throwing himself over Jaebum. The brunet had to practically yank him out to relieve:”

"See you, Bambam.

Youngjae strode forward, his mouth making two downward scratches in an obvious grimace. He wasn’t happy at all.

But he didn’t say anything, nor did he greet them, just passed the car and sat in the passenger seat, knocking on the door with a crash. Bambam looked from the boy to him and smiled, realizing what had happened. Letting the laughter in the air, he said good-bye to Jaebum and made his way, free and light like a feather in the wind now that the damage was done.

Jaebum sighed, thinking how funny the scene had been. Youngjae, beside him, was sulky and didn’t speak to himself. He wanted to ask if the smaller one was jealous but at the same time didn’t want to tease him. Even because that subject would lead to a deeper discussion he wasn’t sure if neither was prepared at this moment.

It was only when the car reached the garage of his apartment, after minutes in silence of a sulky Youngjae, that Jaebum had dared to say:

"He's nothing to me."

“I didn’t ask you anything.” the younger replied sharply.

Jaebum sighed, but at the same time that brief demonstration of jealousy warmed his heart, or was this what he wanted to think about Youngjae's annoyed expression meant.

He bent and left a kiss on his cheek, whispering in his ear:

"My attention today is all yours, baby boy.” he said in a wicked tone that sent a shiver down the back of his neck, which was now melted by his charms.

And not just today, for it had been a long time since Jaebum couldn’t devote his attention to anyone other than Youngjae.

 

.

 

.

 

It was starting to bother him that he didn’t have a proper name for they’re relationship.

At first he knew they were here for the sex. He had already noticed that Youngjae was interested in him by his appearance and the novelty, he wanted someone who could satisfy him, and couldn’t be anyone inside his social circle for obvious reasons. He needed an outside who wouldn’t take advantage of him. Jaebum would never do this, even if Youngjae didn’t know it, but they gradually built up a relationship of trust. They kept it hidden, Jaebum didn’t speak to him when he was standing in front of the church, he didn’t call for his number and tried his best to pretend that he didn’t exist at all when the younger one was surrounded by the companions of his kind. Youngjae would glare at him across the street, trying to hide his look of recognition, with grateful glance at Jaebum that he couldn’t answer because he knew his place. Jaebum hated it, but decided to play under his rules.

They were not boyfriends, they had never even touched the subject. Jackson - the only one who knew the whole story - said they could call themselves friends with benefits. It was actually strange to think of that, Jaebum wasn’t with anyone else - he simply couldn’t flirt with anyone without thinking about Youngjae - and he knew that Youngjae hadn’t anyone either. He could only call that strange relationship an “affair”, although his feelings were beginning to reject the word, as he wanted so much more.

There were times when Youngjae was in his apartment and sex doesn’t happen. They just cuddle on the couch, talking or watching some tv shows. Sometimes they kissed lazily until one of them had the courage enough to get up to make food. It was always Jaebum, because if it dependeds on Youngjae, they would only eat noodles.

And there were those gifts. Jaebum knew that Youngjae was from a wealthy family, who always spent a fat sum on the church's tithe, and still the boy had his job at the night club. That wasn’t as if he needed it,  his parents had enough to support him, but it was because he liked the freedom of having his own money. And with that money that started with the simple gestures, like paying for the meals. Soon it began to emerge with the vinyl discos, which Jaebum once confessed to love. It was all right until then, starting with the shirts and clothes from expensive stores that Jaebum didn’t even dare to set foot on. The first ones he accepted, like a white shirt that he didn’t even had no occasion to use, but what really annoyed when he came up with that birthday gift: a brand-new sneakers worth $500. He almost threw the sneakers on his face, it wasn’t right to wear such an expensive thing. They argued a that day, until Youngjae decided to change the shoe to a new stove. Jaebum only accepted because the boy lived almost everyday in his apartment now, as if it were his, and if it were for his comfort, he would accept.

They never argued seriously though, excluding that one time, Jaebum wondered himself how he managed to have such a quiet and enduring relationship with someone without naming it at all. He wish he could call him his boyfriend, but about Youngjae? Was that the feeling he had for the smaller one?

Jaebum perceived the extent of his feelings for Youngjae when he saw him that one time he standing at the gates of the church hand in hand with a pretty girl with long brown hair, thin waist and a shy smile.

The first time he just watched them quietly. The girl was pretty, well the kind he surely flirt if he saw her around. He was petite and wore a pink dress with heeled shoes. Very feminine and adorable, so he had no idea what Youngjae was doing with to her.

He didn’t ask about it until it happened more often. Youngjae now appeared on the girl's side all the time, always impeccably dressed, and he would always cast frantic glances across from the street. He looked uncomfortable on her side, but was always holding her hand. Jaebum had to use all of his strength not to ask about it when they texted. Youngjae wouldn’t talk about it either. It had been a few days since they got in touch, he was already getting anxious and nervous about the girl's identity. But when he once saw her approaching Youngjae and lovingly touching her face and leaving a kiss to the corner of his lips, he let down a tool that made a loud noise from the other side of the street. Youngjae turned his face toward him, again desperate but without any justification, Jaebum only turned his away. He couldn’t believe it was this way. That Youngjae had finally grown weary of him and returned to live his high-class, snob and hypocritical life to a little girl from the church. Jaebum should know from the beginning that it would be it so.

The youngest tried to call him an hour later. He didn’t pick. He tried to call a few more times until the next day, bombarding the message app saying they needed to talk. Jaebum didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want anything from him, he just wanted Youngjae in his bed moaning his name, and that was it. Only this. He didn’t want feelings attached, he didn’t want the responsibility, the commitment, and especially, he didn’t want to keep lying to himself anymore.

He wondered how Youngjae was only playing with him, how much he must have premeditated that something like that would eventually happen. But even so he believed that he would get something more from Youngjae, that the boy didn’t care about appearances at all.

Jaebum broke two glass glasses in a fit of fury while alone in his apartment.

He was annoyed, it was obvious that he was, Youngjae was afraid of being seen in public with him but showed up around with a small girl in a pink dress. It was hard to think that it was the same Youngjae who moaned when his hard cock was inside him, saying that he loved his broad shoulders and his beard scratching his face. He very much understood even that LGBT B didn’t stand for bullshit, but that was much more than just Youngjae's sexuality. They were _together_ , so why was he with her?

He ignored Youngjae as far as he could, but the boy who gave every initiative in his relationship wasn’t going to give up, and he knew it, it was only a matter of time.

Youngjae came into his workshop one night, more precisely when Jackson had just left and closed the garage door. He realized at the time that he was looking for that moment for a private conversation. He had always premeditated these moments, which made him wonder he if he had any agreement with Jackson. The brunnette sighed and wiped some of his greasy hands on a filthy cloth, not even removing all the dirt, and threw it there. He didn’t care.

"So you came." he said dryly, still angry with him. He wanted explanations but didn’t want to demand them.

"I need to explain some things to you ..." he announced, it was amazing how they were synchronized.

Jaebum closed the expression, being cold again with him.

“You know you don’t really hav-“ he said, though he wanted to.

Youngjae sobbed. And Jaebum noticed in the dim light of the workshop that his eyes were red and swollen. He wept, and his heart leapt with concern. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he knew he wouldn’t resist to him. He was far more emotionally attached to Youngjae than he liked to think he was. He regretted it imediataly his harsh words, wanting to hug him and say that it was okay, that he didn’t care to remain only a secret to him, but he was so filthy right now and Youngjae looked like a human cloud so white.

The younger boy approached, his eyes watering but determined, and when Jaebum opened his mouth to ask him what he wanted to explain, Youngjae pulled him through the grimy gray shirt and kissed him, the same quick kiss they exchanged the first few times they met.

Jaebum tried to pull him away the first time, but then remembered that his hands were greasy and Youngjae wore a white sweater. Youngjae grew stubborn, and pushed him until Jaebum had turned his back on a car he was working on. The brunette just kept his mouth shut, he didn’t want to have to argue like that.

“Youngjae, stop.”

"No," he said stubbornly, giving him a kiss on his face. Jaebum had to take a deep breath to resist the temptation.

"You're going to dirty your clothes ..."

“I don’t care.”

Youngjae curled his hands into his hair and kissed him again, trying to find an opening with his tongue. Jaebum still resisted, he was upset and didn’t want to go back to that sex and detachment when he was obviously attached and jealous. But Youngjae was no longer a young innocent virgin, as he lowered his hands down to Jaebum's groin, stroking over his clothes. It took him by surprise, that in the moment of weakness he ended up letting Youngjae's tongue slip into his. He finally gave up, pulling the boy by the waist, even knowing of the stain he would leave on his immaculate clothes, and proceeded to reciprocate the kiss with ferocity, almost by punish him for having done what he did.

Youngjae's hands, in turn, had not left the caress above his cock that was beginning to reciprocate. They separated the kiss after a long minute, Jaebum trying to calm down and question what got into him.

But Youngjae smirked at him and crouched down in front of him, kneeling on that disgusting floor in his thin, expensive clothes.

Jaebum was about to ask him what he was doing, if he had not been quick enough to put his pants down, leaving him only in his underwear, where Youngjae now began to use his lips to caress over the fabric his semi erection. Only that sight was enough to make him throb, Jaebum was already hard.

When Youngjae realized his situation, it didn’t take long to pull the second cloth and finally have his member awake in front of him. He only watched its length, without still doing anything. That confused expression shook him even more, and he smirked, waiting for him to make up his mind.

"Is that what you want?"

Youngjae met his eyes, this time with a determined glow. "Yes," was his gaze.

He began to lick it slowly, trying on the skin and deciding what to do next. Even with the slow, indefinite rhythm, Jaebum didn’t complain. Youngjae was still shy, and Jaebum understood, although he had tried to do it on him a few more times, but nothing would lessen the excitement of the moment. He wasn’t very experienced because Jaebum used to always be the dominator during sex, although having Youngjae kneeling to himself with his cock in his mouth at his place was priceless.

Youngjae tried for bolder movements, running his tongue slowly through the tip and already slowly sucking it, threatening to swallow everything in his mouth but giving up in the middle of doing it. He groaned around his cock and Jaebum threw his neck back, smiling with pleasure. He held Youngjae's head, pulling the strings to caress him, but not catching the rhythm of the movement. I wanted to let the youngest command everything this time.

"You can suck me anyway you want.” - It stimulated him - I am in your hands, baby boy.

Youngjae didn’t answer but a moan around his cock again, which made Jaebum pant with the hot vibration. This time the boy accelerated the movement, sucking with more and more will and speed. He still couldn’t, though Jaebum wanted to and that he couldn’t deny, tucked it all into his throat, but it was enough to make Jaebum delirious. He tightened Youngjae's wires and bruised his own lips as he bite to exhale the warmth he felt. Youngjae was delicious, but that wasn’t all. Everything about him aroused him, _incited_ him, and he could no longer deny that his desire for that boy wasn’t something simple like sexual tension.

The boy brightened with the moaning responses of Jaebum, who held his hair tighter. He pumped his head up and down, every time he devoured it, he could squeeze it more into his mouth and Jaebum was panting loudly with the force of suction. He was close, very close. His boy, then, finally managed to swallow him in such a way that he gave up holding himself.

“Youngjae ...!”

He took off Youngjae's mouth slid out of his mouth to enjoy and the boy doesn’t choke, letting the liquid slide on his lips. He tried to take a deep breath, his legs shaking, not remembering the last time he'd been so affected by a simple blow job before, maybe never. He began to release it slowly, ending with erotic licks on his still-erect limb and giving him such a demonic look that Jaebum caught himself thinking that he would _burn_ the next time he entered the Church. Youngjae had the corner of his mouth dirty, and seemed lost at himself. He licked his hand over his lips to clean them. He didn’t look disgusted, this glimpse could even make Jaebum hard again. He then lifted the younger, pulling him by the waist. Jaebum distributed kisses on his neck until he reached his mouth, where he kissed the surface not caring to feel his own taste. Youngjae sighed, a shiver running down his spine.

Jaebum suspended him, putting him on the hood of the car he was working on, even if he should not do it. He stood between the boy's legs, opening his thighs as he tightened them over his jeans. Youngjae was bewildered for a moment, still catching his breath, but soon returned to kissing him, even with the salty taste in his mouth from the gap his cum. He didn’t care. He pressed and kissed Youngjae too cheerfully for anyone still disoriented by the after glow.

“Can I reciprocate?” he asked in his ear, receiving a weak nod of the younger's head.

He turned his attention to Youngjae's neck. He always avoided leaving hickeys in visible places, but he could hardly control himself at the moment. He knew they should talk, that he should listen to Youngjae's explanation for him and ask why he acting so strange to come for him like this. But the excitement of doing that in his workplace was clouding his mind.

He took off Youngjae's white hoodie without any warning, as he didn’t care too much about throwing it down. It was filthy, completely stained, anyway. His hands were still too dirty, so he let Youngjae unzip his trousers and pull his hard cock out.

He bent down enough to put it in his mouth and start sucking it. He was already very hard and wet, the brunet knew he was ready to cum anytime, even if he was the one playing it. Youngjae pulled him through his raven hair, which was growing and were good to pull. Jaebum enveloped him with his mouth, pushing into his throat. He didn’t want to linger long there, and Youngjae moaned so softly.

As he predicted, Youngjae had been quick to cum, and soon enjoyed his mouth as well. Jaebum gave a moan, getting all of himself, gagging minimally as the boy stroked his head more carefully now that his body was no longer tense.

He stood up again, wiping the corner of his mouth. Youngjae's expression was grim, utterly groggy, as if it didn’t look as if he'd only been given a quick blowjob on an uncomfortable position after he had knelt on a filthy floor to do so. At this point, Jaebum became even more worried about his swollen eyes, his head must have been too full to do what they had just done.

He wrapped his arms around his, kissing his neck again, which smelled of intoxicating perfume relieving him of the smell of rubber and gasoline of the shop. And he missed him. So much. Ignoring him had not been difficult when he was angry with him, but having him in his arms now reminded him of how painful it was to walk away from him. The brunette didn’t even want to think about what it would be like if they stopped this eventually. His mind screamed in horror at the thought of possibility.

Jaebum stepped back just to caress his face with concern. He loved his high cheeks, fit perfectly in his hand.

"What is it, Jae? What happened?" he asked, worried about his melancholy expression even after doing what they did.

"Take me home, hyung.” Youngjae replied wearily.

Jaebum nodded, pulling him to his car.

He didn’t know if he meant about his parents' house or his apartment. Jaebum took him to his apartment anyway.

 

.

 

.

 

When they arrived at his apartment, the two ended up throwing themselves cuddling on the sofa. Youngjae didn’t try any further, instead, he began to sob and sob, and Jaebum had to hold him tight to cool him. When Youngjae was beginning to calm down, Jaebum led them into the bathroom so the two of them could take a shower and take that workshop smell out of their bodies. There was nothing erotic about it, Jaebum washed his hair massaging his scalp to relax, Youngjae closed his eyes and took advantage of the sensation. They decided to go back to the couch, the bed reminded them of many moments and he knew that Youngjae was emotionally fragile right now. While the other one was changing, he went to his room and took a duvet to cover them on the sofa. Jaebum had him sit on his lap, and he hugged him from behind, resting his head on his shoulder when they were both clean and warm.

“My parents ... They think there's something wrong with me.” the younger started. “I've never been much what they wanted me to be. They wanted me to attend the adminstration course, which was what I did, even hating and not wanting it. I began to drop this graduation because my love for the piano began to become more and more serious. I sign up in a minor in music at the same time as I was doing administration, with the money I earned from the job as a pianist at the bars and weddings I played. My dream has always been to work with music therapy, you know, to help people with my music. My parents found out about it eventually. They let me do it both, even decided to pay for my music course, if I kept on the line and did everything the way they wanted me to, but as I said, I was never what they wanted me to be.

"I always knew that boys appealed to me in some way. I tried dating girls, all situations were flawed and only increased my attraction to men. When I realized the dimension of this, I knew I was doubly screwed because my parents would never accept it. It was not as if I tried to suppress it with all my might. I was curious about sex, and what it would be like to be with a guy, but no one had ever interested me enough to risk everything. Until you appear.”

"You, with your broad shoulders and bad boy pose. You, who accepted me, even though I was a snobby church kid. You're probably the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life.” Youngjae blushed. “No, actually I'm sure. But I didn’t go after you just for a strange fetish of the sexy mechanic type. Something about you drew me in such a way that I would go to the church door every weekend just to see you, and I would die of embarrassment when I realized that you were looking at me. Were you interested or just wanted to make fun of me? I spent nights thinking about it, but also thinking about your lips and your divine body. Yeah, you can be cocky about it, hyung. “He laughed when Jaebum gave him a little smirk. “I needed to know what you thought of me, I just don’t know where I got the courage enough to sabotage my bike to come to talk to you. What matters is that I fell for his charms and it was not easy to admit it to myself, and it was obvious that I was going to start acting weird at home. My parents began to notice that I stayed away from home much longer than I should have. And the fact that I didn’t care about making friends and girlfriends at the church was worrying them. They may be control freaks, but they are still parents, and they have a minimum of concern for me. I would appreciate it if they didn’t, actually, because I shouldn’t have gotten to that point.

"That girl, Dahyun, was the girl my parents arranged for me to stop acting 'abnormally', according to them. They don’t, and will never accept my nature. So I guess they started running after that. I was introduced to Dahyun in hope that I would create some interest in her, and since it didn’t happen, they began to talk about engagement. Arranged marriage, have you seen such a thing in the 21st century? But I have nothing to do with her, and really nothing against either. She's a pretty girl, smart and funny, but it's a fact that I don’t love her.

"You were probably the best thing that ever happened in my life, hyung. I know you think I'm in it for sex and freedom, but that's not all. I'm sorry if I'm going to scare you with my words, but you represent more to me than you think. And not only for doing incredible things with my body, which I love, I cannot deny it, but it is much more than that. You made me know myself better, made me decide what I want, define who I am at the moment, even though I'm already 23 years old and already needing to decide what I wanted from my life. You were a crucial part of everything I'm choosing to do, including what I'm going to do now.

"I need to get out of there, hyung. One hour things will explode and I don’t know how I can handle it. I'm almost finishing music school, I'm in the last semester, and when I get out of there I can get something by myself to get rid of them. I don’t care for college, if they want to stop paying I have nothing to do with it. But until then, please, I hope you can understand why I need to walk with Dahyun like a good boy. It kills me from the inside to have to live with appearances, but I don’t have much choice until I can be independent. I don’t want to lose you because you think I don’t care about you, because the few days you ignored me almost drove me crazy. "

Jaebum took a deep breath, trying to absorb everything he'd been told. So there were really a lot of things he didn’t know about Youngjae, some might even have predicted - like the kind of relationship he had with his parents - but his heart danced inside his chest as he heard all that Youngjae was about. That was it then, there was so much more than he thought Youngjae felt, just as there was so much more within himself that he thought he felt. It had come to the situation that they could no longer disguise or curb their feelings. It was much more than a carnal relationship, and perhaps it had been like this since the beginning.

"You… you don’t know the size of things I feel for you either, Youngjae. It may not seem like that much but... you are the first person I feel I can devote to, that I must give my heart to, even if you don’t accept it. But that's what I want, I'm yours, Youngjae.” He pulled the boy's hand lightly, giving his a kiss inside his palm with the closed eyelids of his eyes. "You have my heart in the palm of your hands, do what you want with it.”

Youngjae blushed, not knowing what to answer. Jaebum only smiled, giving a kiss to the tip of his nose. He didn’t want him to say anything right now.

"I'll support you with whatever you want to do. If you want to run away from your parents, I'll help you. If you want to continue the actiong with this girl, I'll understand. I just do not want you to stay away from me.” He tightened his grip on his waist. "I don’t want to. You are my baby boy.”

Youngjae let out a low laugh, but again didn’t answer. Only he sealed his lips without deepening them. He laid his head back on Jaebum's chest, and smelling his scent, he fell asleep in his arms.

Jaebum, seeing that he now snored peacefully, could not move like when a cat slept on top of your legs and you just can’t disturb their sleep. So even with the uncomfortable body, he gave a kiss on his head and closed his eyes to try to sleep too, letting the words escape his lips.

“I love you, Youngjae.”

Youngjae, although, was not sleeping yet.

.

.

The storm happened all at once. It was two weeks later.

On the day a heavy rain fell, and an atypical wind blew to everyone to hide inside the security of their homes. But Youngjae was not in the safety of his house, on the contrary, he was at the door of his apartment, his eyes red and a swollen and a mark on his face. He had a backpack on his back and was dressed all in black. _Black swan_ , Jaebum thought. He cried desperately. He didn’t ask what had happened before he hugged his boy, who hid his face inside his chest as he wet his pajama shirt with tears and rain-soaked clothes.

"They found out everything.” Youngjae repeated, unable to arrange the words. “They know, Jaebum! I don’t know what to do, where I should go, I...”

"Found out what, Youngjae? Please calm down. His heart pounded inside his chest. He knew exactly what Youngjae was talking about, but he needed information. He needed Youngjae to say by his own words what had happened.

He tried to breathe, to take control of his lungs again, before saying:

“They know about me. They know about you. They know about us. I think they've got someone to follow me I don’t know. They had been suspicious since that day in the restaurant. Mrs. Park must have said something. After that I should have been more careful.” He ran over the words one at a time, in a state of despair. "I just know they found out everything, and they confronted me about it. They asked if you were my boyfriend. My father hit me.”

"He did what?" Jaebum clenched his fist, now that was him that was losing control of himself when he heard that they had hit Youngjae. He would be able to get out of there right now in the rain to punch Youngjae's father in the face for good. The boy turned to reached out his hands to hold onto his arm and keep it in place.

"Don’t think about it, it was nothing.” He took a deep breath, obviously that was something. His parents never hit him before. "And… they said I should choose..." he stammered and a shadow fell under Jaebum's face.

“What? Choose what?”

Youngjae shifted his eyes to his feet.

“I should get married...”

“You what?!” Jaebum yelled again, this time completely out of control. Youngjae could barely contain him with his hands. He was enraged. Fortunately he didn’t leave the place before Youngjae turned his brown eyes on himself and froze him in place.

"Or I'd be kicked out of the house." He sighed, tucking his backpack into his back. "Guess what I did.

Jaebum became livid, not believing that he really had the guts. But you should know. His boy was very brave, much more than his image would let it pass. Somehow, his chest filled with pride.

“Youngjae...”

“I-I just wanted to know if u can stay for a while until I get one…”

Jaebum didn’t let him finish.

He wrapped his arms around his, buried his face in his neck and stroked his wet hair. He squeezed him hard, almost leaving him breathless. But Youngjae returned the embrace, allowing himself to be enveloped by his scent. Today Youngjae smelled like rain and despair.

“You can stay forever.”

Youngjae stepped back a little, to stare into his raven eyes if he was being really serious. Jaebum had never been so serious in his entire life.

Maybe it was hasty, but Jaebum didn’t really care. Thinking about that year he had spent with Youngjae only made him feel more sure that having him by his side was all he needed, even if he was in a situation without many choices and Jaebum wasn’t really the best person for him. He could never give his a life-style that Youngjae had before, but the boy never showed that it mattered to him. Only Jaebum mattered to him.

He nodded and they walked in, a shy smile playing on their lips. That was only the first step, which they had just completed upon entering the apartment, not for the first time, or for the last, but with a significant beginning of their story. Jaebum still wondered if he needed to verbalize the name of his relationship, he didn’t need it any more, although he did, this time he had taken the initiative, he wanted to be able to make the request. And Youngjae accepted, and wept too, he thought that Jaebum would never do it. He posted a pic on his Instagram a few days later, officializing the new term they had for their relationship, which resulted in Youngjae's mother calling his cell phone several times after that, even if the boy didn’t answer any of the calls.

Youngjae never crossed the street again to go back to that church. Never needed it. And he also noticed that those grease stains never left his white clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end is kinda rushed but the original one was like this too so  
> i hope yall like it despite the cliche end :)


End file.
